Are Your Pajamas Cock-Blocking Your Sex Life?

April 23, 2025
DARKLADY

If Bedtime Turn Sexless, Shed the Pajamas and Sleep Naked!

Pajamas automatically inspire pajama parties! Sounds like a lot of fun until everybody falls asleep after the pillow fight instead of fucking. Chances are good that if that pillow fight had featured naked participants, lube and condoms would have become part of the fun.

According to Channa Bromley, a relationship coach for more than 20 years, “Comfort kills urgency.” She shared this view with Newsweek after the magazine became aware of a provocative study of 2,000 adults by the Better Sleep Council. It revealed that 74 percent of adult participants slept in pajamas occasionally throughout the week. A more courageous 21 percent sleep skin-to-skin with their partner a few times a week while a surprising 32 percent kept their socks on in bed. No idea whether the socks were on naked or pajama-wearing sleepers.

Could the difference between nudity and a frumpy nightshirt be the difference between getting laid or not? It’s certainly possible for men and women to slip into something that’s both fairly comfortable and alluring, but it’s easier to find something that’s genuinely comfortable but more chaste or goofy. A prairie-style nightgown, a lovingly stained and threadbare oversized t-shirt, your favorite cartoon/comic book character jammies, or a bra and high-waist underwear are unlikely to spark lust.

“They are a signal,” Bromley continued. “When someone trades in seduction for a fleece onesie, they are not prioritizing attraction. They are prioritizing ease.” This, she contends, can easily influence the couple’s relationship both in and out of the bedroom. “Attraction thrives on friction. It needs tension. It needs contrast. It needs the subtle pull of desire against restraint. Comfortable pajamas strip that away.”

In essence, when we cover our bodies with fabric, the visual cues we send to a partner are not the same as when we are naked or minimally dressed. Unless we can add some kink to the experience, the messages we send are more cuddly, best buddy, untouchable, off limits, or emotionally distant. Fortunately, all is not lost. Bromley assures that “that does not mean wearing cozy sleepwear is the death of intimacy.” It just means we have to think more about what we wear when we slide under the covers and whether it communicates our intent for the night accurately. If we get it wrong for too long or too often, it might be a sign that the relationship is running out of intimate steam and should be honestly re-evaluated.

Professor, psychologist, and sexologist Dr. Candice Hargons was more optimistic when she spoke with Newsweek. The focus for Dr. Hargons is on sensuality, the perception of the world through our senses. Regardless of what we wear, she reminds, there are a multitude of ways to seduce our lovers. Touch, taste, scent, and sound are all available in addition to sight.

In her professional experience with men, she found that they are more emotionally sensitive than given credit for. In fact, they “valued how their partner looked and what they felt like equally during sex.” Women, by comparison, were less turned on by visuals, which is not to say that they weren’t a close second. “Women ranked touch higher than sight,” Dr. Hargons observed.

What is the solution to this crossing of the erotic streams? Obviously, there are times when sleeping naked or in filmy nothings is not advised. Depending on our heating budget, winter can easily become an endless parade of pajamas and flannel nightshirts. Lucky for us, we can use our words, save our relationships, keep the spark alive, and get back to banging!

Dr. Hargons points out the obvious but often scariest solution. “You and your partner can ask each other what type of pajamas are attractive by saying, ‘pick something for me to sleep in that you find sexy from my current wardrobe.’ Each of you can opt to wear them on a night you designate to see if you feel a bit more turned on with each other. If you notice a difference, you can make it a more regular part of your life.”

Once again, variety is the spice of a healthy, happy sex life. That and open, honest, and compassionately heard conversations about what really turns us on and what really makes for a good night’s sleep.